omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize