I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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