i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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