Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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