Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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