my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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