Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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