literally had 100 drinks last night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
