i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
