Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
