I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
