You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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