I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
