he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
