So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
