census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
