please come you make the beer taste better
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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