pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
