i was born a porn star she said
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
