we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize