it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
