You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
