Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
