My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Found your dick twin last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
