if i can run in heels then i can drive
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
