i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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