I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
