He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I touched a dick in church today
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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