people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
