I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
