I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize