OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
