He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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