So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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