Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
