Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
