The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
