You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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