I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
