my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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