Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize