i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
