Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
