we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
