One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Success! We fucked roommates!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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