Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
