Screwed.edu
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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