Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize