I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
