to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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