she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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