i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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Do I have a choice?
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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