Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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