I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
