Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
