I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
