cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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