Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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