i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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