glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
