A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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