that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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