Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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