youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
