Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
