Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
