i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
