I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
