My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
