Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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