I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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