??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
