I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
