when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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