Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
