he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
