even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
