why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
