i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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