Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
