Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
