My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
