she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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