I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
