i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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