I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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