dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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