Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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