My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize