Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
