Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
