My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
