my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
