Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
