Dual....:-)
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
