fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
