what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
