Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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