Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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