My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
