I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize