ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
