garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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