ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
