i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
