I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please come you make the beer taste better
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
