Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
